Dark Paradise
by Fenrir Vanagandr
Summary: Loving him forever can't be wrong. As my vacant gaze stares out across the antechamber, looking up at the fresco above me I realise although that I promised him forever. Forever will never be long enough. CaiusxBella


I** do not own Twilight, nor any of its characters as they belong to the wonderful Stephanie Meyer.**

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><p><em>And there's no remedy for memory, your face is like a melody,<em>  
><em>It won't leave my head; your soul is haunting me<br>And telling me that everything is fine; but I wish I was dead—dead like you._

_Every time I close my eyes it's like a dark paradise_  
><em>No one compares to you. I'm scared that you won't be waiting on the other side.<em>

_There's no relief; I see you in my sleep. _  
><em>And everybody's rushing me, but I can feel you touching me<em>  
><em>There's no release; I feel you in my dreams telling me I'm fine.<em>

_Every time I close my eyes it's like a dark paradise_  
><em>No one compares to you. I'm scared that you won't be waiting on the other side.<em>

Dark Paradise – Lana Del Ray

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><p>They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Whoever spouted such nonsense can be deemed a ridiculous man, and a complete and utter fool. For what is beauty if there is none to be found?<p>

I do not believe myself to be the most interesting of people, I have no such traits which would regard me as such, in fact I would conclude that I am an average person – average looks, average intelligence, an average teen with an average life, when you look past my clumsiness of epic proportions. That has gotten me into more scrapes than I can count., but that is neither here nor there, so all in all, nothing that remotely qualifies as interesting about me at all.

However if there was one thing about me that I believed to be unique to me, something that would put a step above the rest, it would be my curiosity. My never ending need to know what should inevitably be left well enough alone. Sometimes I wish that it wasn't a trait I carried at all. Sometimes there are things in this world you are simply better off not knowing. Then again, where would be the fun in that?

For as long as I can remember I was always a curious little thing, searching out the answers to things best left alone, to find the truth hidden behind the lie, courting danger and death and embracing it like a long lost lover. It was not as if I could help it; there were just so many puzzles to figure out and not enough pieces to see the full picture.

I had never told another soul about my twisted fascination with all things strange and unexplainable. They would not have understood had I told them, as I just knew somewhere deep within myself that they would never fully understand; Shame really, as it would have been nice to not feel so alone all the time. I was already deemed enough of a freak by my peers as it was, there was no need to add any more fuel to their fire.

You should never take things at face value, because if you look hard enough you can see all the little things people try to hide. My third grade English teacher for example who was always so immaculately dressed, hair pinned back into a neat bun and not a hair out of place. However when you scratched beneath the surface you could see the glazed look in her eye, the smudge of lipstick in the top left hand corner of her mouth, her skirt shifted just a couple of inches to the right. Now if I was to take a guess on what happened that frosty Wednesday morning of June 1987, she was with my maths teacher, who had lipstick the exact same shade of scarlet on the tip of his collar, shirt un-tucked and the top button of his slacks undone with the same glazed look in his eye. Now he either secretly prances up and down the halls of the school every morning with his perfectly applied lipstick on and wearing a dress because he believes he is a pretty lady and should be treated as such, or he was having carnal relations with my English teacher every Wednesday morning.

Slightly off topic, but the point still stands, that if you looked hard enough all the evidence of every individuals past indiscretions are laid bare before you. I swore myself to secrecy under some misguided notion of humanity. I believed there to be good found in every soul and I could never have been more wrong. I tried to telling myself to _stay out of it, it's none of your concern, it's not your place to pry, there's a perfectly rational, reasonable explanation for everything_.

Of course, being the curious little thing that I am, I refused to heed the warnings, believing myself to be superior to my own mind and that I knew better. Just because I didn't necessarily "need" to know everything doesn't mean that I didn't want to. So what if I did? Would that be so wrong of me to do so? I'm not harming anybody; I only need to know just enough to satisfy my burning curiosity, to satiate its hunger until another day.

All of which of course, has landed me in the current predicament which I know found myself placed in, by discovering the existence of, and irrevocably falling in love with what they are known today as a vampire. My little personality trait has a strange way of attracting the strangest things – who am I to ignore cues such as skin that is cold to the touch, increased speed and strength along with avoiding days in which the sun shines brightest. If that is what is classed as normal nowadays, it is not the current normal that I know. His own curiosity to my heated glares and absence of fear when in his presence is another factor to what brought us together. However had I not tirelessly kept up my search to find the explanation behind his abnormal behavior, he would have dislocated my head from my shoulders without a second thought. And I most certainly be where I was today, sitting helplessly atop the marble steps within the antechamber by his throne (well what he calls a throne I personally call a glorified chair), his fingers carding through my mahogany locks and unable to tear myself away from his intense gaze. A creature of the dark.

It was just over a year ago when I'd first met Caius, before I realised that I had never continued on with my research. Instead of pouring through every piece of information made available to me, in order to fully understand what it was that I inevitably would be confronting, did I not realise the weight of the situation that I was getting myself into. I ceased my searching when what information I had gathered deemed to be "enough". It was not enough; it was never going to be enough.

Now as I sit here staring into the never ending depths of his eyes, prisms of light reflected across his alabaster skin where patches of sunlight had filtered through the high arching glass window of the antechamber, that it struck me how I barely knew anything about vampires – and when I truly look back on what I had known and gathered during my research, it seems paltry in comparison to what I should have known before confronting the dark aspects of their nature. If were to truly look at what I had known about them after all this time, was the basic characteristics that identified them to be anything other than human: _enhanced speed, strength, heightened senses, cold to the touch, inhuman beauty, that there skin refracts light when placed in sunlight, and that they lack any key characteristics that would identify them as human_ (a pulse or a heartbeat).

I knew how blood affected them physically: it was their staple, their life source in order to remain among the living or undead as it may seem. It was blood that allowed them to continue to walk upon this earth. Without it their eyes turn pitch, senses are dulled, their strength weakens and, control around blood deteriorates. Depending on the type of blood they drink their eyes would turn either ocher (indicating they have animal blood within their system) or a startling shade of crimson (consistent with human blood).

When entering this life there are those who are considered to have talents, dominant traits in their human life that are carried over and manifest as some form of gift in the next. These talents can include the illusion of pain, clairvoyance, tactile telepathy so on an so forth. Talents such as these are considered to be exceedingly rare, as many of those that are brought over do not contain such an ability. Whether or not two vampires can have the same talent or not is unknown, however there can be variations of a particular talent.

My naivety with the situation at hand is beyond startling, was I simply content with this meager scrap of knowledge that would barely cover a page had it been written down! How was I satisfied by this insignificant amount of information for so long?

I turned my gaze from his tousled, ashen hair, towards the fresco painted in a multitude of colours across the vast domed ceiling of the chamber, before turning my vacant gaze to peer through the arching stained glass window to look at the leaden sky above, watching the scant shafts of light cast down onto the city below between the breaks in the clouds before disappearing once more. Overcast days in Italy were few and far between, it appears however today one of those days it seems. I didn't mind it though, as the somber sky fitted my somber mood perfectly. I've chewed on my lip when thinking ever since I can remember, it seems that particular trait is not lost on me today, as I chew on my lip thoughtfully, content in the knowledge that no one would bother me. Was it simply the thrill that a being of incomparable beauty was even able to spare a glance my way? There were others more comely than I, whether that is humans or vampires. Was I so enamored by him and all that he stood for that I simply forgot about all the progress I had made in my attempt to understand his vampiric nature? Maybe it was my fascination of a creature that should simply not exist, and out of the billions of people who currently walk this earth, I had been the one to look past the veil of ignorance only to discover a whole other race right beside my own; not only that but to be allowed entrance into that world was something else entirely. Could that have been what caused me to forget everything I had learned and just drop it all no questions asked?

Why was it that every time Caius tried to remind me that his existence was no existence at all, that he claimed himself to be a monster, and yet every time I quietened him not entertaining the idea that he could ever be what he claimed, no matter how many times he tried. Always I told him that in order to be a monster he would have to be truly heartless, and that no monster could be so kind and gentle as he was with me. From that moment on there was a gleam in his eye every time I caught him looking at me, a flicker of an unidentified emotion passing through those pitch depths leaving just as swiftly as its arrival.

It was a frightening prospect, especially looking back on past encounters with each other, that maybe it wasn't such an impossibility after all. Was it simply better to be kept in the dark and all the secrets it holds? They say ignorance is bliss, but is it truly when facing such uncertainty? Innocence once lost is lost forever, and I have no intention of losing mine here. The question is, how do you know when it is gone? And for once in my short 18 years of life, I don't intend on finding out.

I thought once that these questions would never need to be asked, why would they need to be as Caius would never allow himself to harm as he had once feared he would. It just wasn't possible, so much so that I had been convinced that whatever cosmic force governed this universe wouldn't allow it to. Therefore it would be wrong of me to entertain such fearful thoughts about a man who has sworn himself to protect me against those who would seek to cause me harm.

Now I wasn't so sure. Their very being was designed to entice their prey, to draw them in, that their unsuspecting victim wouldn't realise until it's too late, and by then they would already be a lifeless husk lying dead on the ground they once walked upon. Could that truly be what has been going on this entire time? Up until this point I was certain that Caius' intentions were not to cause me harm, nonetheless I was shaken to my very core at the fact that I had been caught so quickly and lulled into this false sense of security. Am I mostly at fault for accepting this situation so quickly, all for the felling of comfort security and dare I say it. Love. Deep down was their apart of me so devoted to this idea of being given the gift of immortality, to be young forever that this was the price I would pay to get it? Just give up my life and not giving a damn about the risks I was taking and literally courting death just for the chance, the opportunity to get what I wanted?

I frowned at this last thought. It couldn't be right. I wouldn't let it be. I was never one for caution to begin with, and of course that got me into all sorts scrapes that most girls my age just did not get into. However, I have never been in a situation where there is a threat to my very existence. Sure I've had a couple, of bumps, scratches and bruises along the way, hell even couple of broken bones here and there but never have I put myself into a position where my very life was at risk. Was the idea of this relationship, if you can even call it that so alluring that the reward outweighed the risks? Would it have just been easier for me to let it all go?

I had told him that I didn't care. I didn't care about what he had done in his past, I didn't care how the horrors he had seen had changed him so much that they altered his outlook on life, I didn't care that he thought he was a monster. He wasn't a monster to me, and I didn't care about any of it so long as I could be with him in whatever way he would have me. I did not care because I didn't want to.

The depth in which he wanted me, the intensity of his gaze when he looked at me was indescribable. I had never experienced anything like that. Not even close. Hell I thought he was exaggerating to be honest, in an attempt to remove myself from his life. Compared to him I was just dust in the wind.

A couple of weeks ago, I allowed myself to wonder, to delve past my initial level of curiosity, into who this creature. This man was, and why did he want me so much?

I wondered about the vicious side, the savage side, the predatory side of him, the side I had foolishly decided did not exist. I had wondered whether a part of him glorified in the blood, in the violence and the carnage and whether this was inherent in all vampiric nature or that others simply chose to ignore that dark part that festered deep within their dark unbeating hearts.

I had asked him once if he had a particular talent like some of the others that dwelled within the castle walls. He told me that even if he did it would never work on me anyway, so what would the point be in trying. Caius never truly answered my question, and not once did he deny my claim.

In the beginning these dark thoughts that had been festering in my mind never really made a significant impact in my life, only a lot more time spent with my head buried between the pages of books in the library, sleepless nights of which are many nowadays it seems. As I continued to make my inquiries into the legends of this unnatural race of creatures, I started to notice subtle changes in Caius' behavior that I had pointedly chosen to ignore up until now. The unnamed emotions that swirled within the dark depths of his eyes, his rigid posture when he is in my presence, and so many more changes that I wish I couldn't see. Now that I have started looking, I cannot stop.

I felt a cool hand clasp my chin softly, drawing my attention back to the present. Tilting my head slightly I turned my eyes to meet with Caius' blood –soaked, heated gaze that burned with a feverish intensity that it left me momentarily breathless.

Caius' dulcet voice broke through the thick smog clouding my mind. "It is times like this when I wonder what is going through that pretty little head of yours il mio tesoro.

I swallowed fearfully, trying to maintain my composure. What I once considered a sweet endearment in calling me his little treasure I now find slightly terrifying to hear when uttered from his lips. His words are like poison dripping from his mouth. Poison and lies that take shape in the form of words. A blood-curdling poison fatal to this that hear it, but it is such a sweet poison, and I succumb to it every single time.

I loved being called his treasure, as to hear it fall from his petal soft lips made me fall for him all the more. This creature that thrives in the darkness, its shadows caressing and clinging to every inch of his lithe form, the cruelest, most callous and sadistic of vampires and is the closest to his baser instincts. He who revels in the blood-curdling screams of the pain inflicts unto others. Feared throughout their world, his skills in combat unrivaled with the exception of the Major; this terrifying creature who hates everyone. Love no one. He calls me his treasure; I am the only one he sees, his candle in a coalmine. It is the most wondrous and the most terrifying thing all at the same time, and the worry is I don't know which one I love more.

"You should know by now that all I think about is you. Only you my dearest love." The words taste bitter on my tongue, the guilt and pain lanced through my heart as I tried to keep the sweet smile plastered on my face as he stared at me intently. I don't know what he was searching for but he must have been content with what he found.

"As I about you il mio Tesoro. Each time I look upon your face I wonder what it was that I did to deserve such an innocent kind hearted soul such as you. It astounds me to this day my dearest." He sighed, pausing for a brief second, before a sinister smile graced his features. "I have waited for millennia for you, waiting for you to come to me, and now that I have found you, I fear I will never be able to let you go, not even if you asked it of me. You see tesoro, you are mine, and no one will take you away from me. Not even you." He trailed off, with a contented smile before releasing the iron grasp he had on me, looking into my eyes with same heated intensity before turning his gaze back to commotion before us with a glacial glare. His hands content to card through my tresses once more.

Normally I would have smiled shyly and find a particularly interesting dust mote to stare at, he would then laugh endearingly and all would be well in my own little world. Now however I can't help but find myself returning to my previous thoughts, touching the cheek which he grazed lightly with his thumb mere moments before. I was trying my best to outwardly remain calm, the perfect picture of composure. I may have shuffled on my perch, earning myself a curious sideways glance from Caius, one eyebrow raised slightly in silent question. I simply shook my head and turned my eyes back to what was happening before me. I never move once I am in my place. It was simply the way it was.

My stomach rolled as the deep feeling of dread began to settle over me, almost suffocating in its ferocity. I

I couldn't allow him to find out about the cause for my anxiety, as that would destroy what little semblance of a relationship (if it can be considered that) that we have. No matter of my traitorous thoughts, I was confident in the knowledge of my love for him. At least I think that is what I believe. That's close enough right? My only option right now was to pretend that nothing has changed, that I was unequivocally in love with him as I was the day he first found me. That my devotion and loyalty to him remained unchanged. I know from the stolen glances we receive when we are together from the others within the castle that they couldn't possibly begin to understand how someone as sadistic as him could possibly have been given someone as innocent as me to love him.

What they don't know is that I was destined to be with him, to love him no matter what. You see we are fated, our union was preordained by the gods. Which ones I do not know. One of us could have been born in the 15th century the other in the 19th century, and if they did not meet, once their life span ran out, a new pair would take its place until they met. Unlike that of mates, if they are born in two completely different times, that is it for them. However they can have more than one mate. Fated are designed for a purpose all they do not know what purpose that is. Their priority is each other above all else. Should anything happen to me Caius would burn this world to the ground if it meant he could lift me up from its ashes. Not the best description out there, but Fated are not widely known as they are a rare occurrence and as far as we know we are the only pair. That is more than enough reason to covet me, that and my other abilities. Many vampires seek to gain my favor, that doesn't mean that they get far however. Caius makes sure of that.

Once again slightly off base. The point is there is nothing I can do; my only option was to love him. I had to, because I needed him.

That does not mean the path is going to be easy.

Whenever he is around me, I can see a war raging within him. His body tenses into rigid lines and harsh angles. Fighting to protect me, to possess me, claim me, to take me away from this place so that he would never have to share me with another living soul. His eyes bore deep into my soul – his gaze penetrating the deepest, darkest parts within me. No matter how hard I try I cannot tear myself from his gaze. Nothing can compare to him, he is everything incarnate. All I need, all I want and it's not enough. Never enough. Every time I close my eyes all I see is his face, a melody that haunts my dreams from now until eternity's end. His soul calls out to me, an inescapable siren call and no matter how hard I try to fight the pull, to claw my way out of its depths. I fall, and I am his once more.

His arms encircle my petite frame, dragging me out of my morbid thoughts and into reality, as he places me in his lap. He parts his lips slowly and I let out a small gasp of surprise and delight as he presses them to my collarbone, his fingers curling possessively in my hair and tightening his hold around my waist. My eyelids flutter closed as I pray to whatever deity is out there that I can survive this. If I were smart I would be wise enough when I had the chance, to run away as far and as fast as my legs would carry me, never to return. If I were smart I would remove myself from all forms of physical contact if only to try and fight the pull trying to place me back into the welcoming embrace I wish to break. If I were smart I would not tilt my head allowing him more access to press his soft heated kisses to my neck, forcing me to stifle a moan.

Let's say for arguments sake that I'm not smart. I have allowed myself to walk into a trap of my own making, blindly walking my way into a gilded cage of affection, beauty, comfort, kisses, soft whisperings of inconsequential nothings and sweet promises.

As you nuzzle into my neck, peppering soft kisses across my exposed clavicle, I close my eyes and I am lost to you, my dark paradise. Your face haunts my every waking thought, my every waking moment, no one can compare to you. Your soul calling out for mine, a siren song piercing through the never ending darkness, whispers that all will be well. I feel your touches, caresses haunting my dreams, touching me with such gentleness that for a moment I wish to never want to wake up. No matter how much I want to move on from you, I know now that I can never leave you. Without you I am nothing, just a former shell of my former self, hollow and aching for the release that only you can give me.

That's not even the worst part. The most horrifying part is that no matter what soul wrenching terror I feel, with just a glance into his blood-stained gaze, I know that I can never leave him.

Loving him forever can't be wrong.

After all I had promised him forever.

As my vacant gaze stares out across the antechamber, looking up at the fresco above me I realise although that I promised him forever.

Forever will never be long enough.


End file.
